A SUITOR TO SUIT ME
MORE ABOUT ME
Earlier this summer, I was marking out my new veggie garden space, relocated to my side-yard from the overgrown, mosquito-infested jungle space out back. Much more convenient for watering, weeding and harvesting. I have to dig up the sod, turn and amend the soil, remove clay and rocks (all by hand, with a pitchfork, shovel, rake), and figure out how to keep the lawn from encroaching, but in the long run it will be worth it. During a break, as I’m walking to the front porch for a drink of water, a young(ish) man walks up my driveway, asking for directions.
“I’m looking for 610 Frisco Street.”
“That should be about four houses that way.” I point east, to my left.
He’s looking at my shaggy, overgrown yard.
“I do yard work. Do you need some help?”
“It looks that way, doesn’t it? But really, I’ve got it under control. Long weekend ahead, thanks anyway.”
He continues up my driveway. “Are you sure? My name’s Jacob. I do weed-eating, tree-trimming, mowing, brush removal, trash removal. I could do your entire property for $25.”
That got my attention. “Well, okay, let’s take a walk.”
As we head north, to the back of my lot, I start talking about the trees and “stuff” behind my big, yellow barn. Jacob has a sudden change of heart.
“Wait. What? Your property goes all the way to the back? I may have mis-spoken.”
I know that all the work which needs to be done – a decade’s worth of a “let-nature-take-its-course” attitude—will take the entire summer, probably more, if I am to do it myself. By hand. No power tools. Only muscle, blood, sweat and tears. And then summer will be over, and I will never actually get to sit back and enjoy it.
“Well, give me an estimate anyway.”
Our walk continues. At the end, he says (and I still can’t believe it):
“I will do your entire property for $25. I will get in there where you can’t get with the lawnmower (because of buried, obstructed debris, including rocks, wood, glass, metal, plastic, who-knows-what). I will trim the vines, hack down the brush, do all the edging. At the very least, it will be more manageable and sustainable for you, going forward.”
After I suspend my disbelief and pick up my jaw from the ground, I tell him he’s hired. He says he’ll by on Friday, early, before it gets too hot.
I hired Jacob because he could accomplish (and did accomplish) in one day what would take me the entire summer (and I, by myself, still wouldn’t be able to get my property into a maintainable state). I also thought, “Gee; imagine what I could do with all that extra ‘free’ time.” I have no shortage of projects surrounding me, big projects, mostly having to do with getting my property and house fixed up, cleaned up, ready for presentation, ready for my big next step: selling it all and moving on with my life. Oh and here’s a thought: maybe I could actually relax and enjoy myself a little bit for a change, an option that, seriously, has not presented itself in a very long time.
I’ve decided to do the same thing with this whole cyber-getting-to-know-you thing: make it a little more efficient, less time-consuming. It is not meant to be impersonal; it’s not even meant to rush things along. It’s just my way of getting the most information out there in the least amount of time. If you’ve read my profile, you’ve undoubtedly noticed that it’s a little on the long side. And I still don’t think I’ve said everything that needs to be said, things that need to be dealt with upfront. The idea is to save you some time, as well, not to mention alleviating the need for me to repeat the same answers to many of the same questions that seem to regularly crop up early in messages/conversations.
I realize that there are thousands of questions on the dating site, designed to give each participant an idea of potential compatibility. However I’ve seen 94% compatibility between myself and someone else who has strongly different viewpoints from mine on some pretty important subjects. The questions can be fun and informative and enlightening, but again, it’s enormously time-consuming. I try to view this cyber-life as an investment in my future, but I have a real life that clamors for my attention – loudly – and I simply cannot devote as much time as I would like to either one. Something has to give.
What I’ve done here is compile a more detailed, specific summary of myself, something topic-oriented, and hopefully easy to navigate. It is my hope that this will give potential suitors more information to work with from the get-go. If you are still interested after reading, it will give us plenty of jumping-off points for further conversations, not to mention the fact that there is still your story to be told. Then, maybe, eventually, one day, there will be our story.
So, here we go, fellas…
Deal Breakers
Hot Button Issues
My Basic Philosophies
In closing, let me leave you with a metaphor. I have been running a marathon, sometimes stumbling, sometimes crawling. I am almost there. I cannot imagine how incredible it would be to have someone waiting for me as I sprint across the finish line so I can collapse into his arms. In fact --because I know without a doubt that I am capable of finishing on my own -- I would have no objection whatsoever to letting someone carry me across the finish line.
Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, let the fun begin. By the way, my name is Dawn. What’s yours?
Earlier this summer, I was marking out my new veggie garden space, relocated to my side-yard from the overgrown, mosquito-infested jungle space out back. Much more convenient for watering, weeding and harvesting. I have to dig up the sod, turn and amend the soil, remove clay and rocks (all by hand, with a pitchfork, shovel, rake), and figure out how to keep the lawn from encroaching, but in the long run it will be worth it. During a break, as I’m walking to the front porch for a drink of water, a young(ish) man walks up my driveway, asking for directions.
“I’m looking for 610 Frisco Street.”
“That should be about four houses that way.” I point east, to my left.
He’s looking at my shaggy, overgrown yard.
“I do yard work. Do you need some help?”
“It looks that way, doesn’t it? But really, I’ve got it under control. Long weekend ahead, thanks anyway.”
He continues up my driveway. “Are you sure? My name’s Jacob. I do weed-eating, tree-trimming, mowing, brush removal, trash removal. I could do your entire property for $25.”
That got my attention. “Well, okay, let’s take a walk.”
As we head north, to the back of my lot, I start talking about the trees and “stuff” behind my big, yellow barn. Jacob has a sudden change of heart.
“Wait. What? Your property goes all the way to the back? I may have mis-spoken.”
I know that all the work which needs to be done – a decade’s worth of a “let-nature-take-its-course” attitude—will take the entire summer, probably more, if I am to do it myself. By hand. No power tools. Only muscle, blood, sweat and tears. And then summer will be over, and I will never actually get to sit back and enjoy it.
“Well, give me an estimate anyway.”
Our walk continues. At the end, he says (and I still can’t believe it):
“I will do your entire property for $25. I will get in there where you can’t get with the lawnmower (because of buried, obstructed debris, including rocks, wood, glass, metal, plastic, who-knows-what). I will trim the vines, hack down the brush, do all the edging. At the very least, it will be more manageable and sustainable for you, going forward.”
After I suspend my disbelief and pick up my jaw from the ground, I tell him he’s hired. He says he’ll by on Friday, early, before it gets too hot.
I hired Jacob because he could accomplish (and did accomplish) in one day what would take me the entire summer (and I, by myself, still wouldn’t be able to get my property into a maintainable state). I also thought, “Gee; imagine what I could do with all that extra ‘free’ time.” I have no shortage of projects surrounding me, big projects, mostly having to do with getting my property and house fixed up, cleaned up, ready for presentation, ready for my big next step: selling it all and moving on with my life. Oh and here’s a thought: maybe I could actually relax and enjoy myself a little bit for a change, an option that, seriously, has not presented itself in a very long time.
I’ve decided to do the same thing with this whole cyber-getting-to-know-you thing: make it a little more efficient, less time-consuming. It is not meant to be impersonal; it’s not even meant to rush things along. It’s just my way of getting the most information out there in the least amount of time. If you’ve read my profile, you’ve undoubtedly noticed that it’s a little on the long side. And I still don’t think I’ve said everything that needs to be said, things that need to be dealt with upfront. The idea is to save you some time, as well, not to mention alleviating the need for me to repeat the same answers to many of the same questions that seem to regularly crop up early in messages/conversations.
I realize that there are thousands of questions on the dating site, designed to give each participant an idea of potential compatibility. However I’ve seen 94% compatibility between myself and someone else who has strongly different viewpoints from mine on some pretty important subjects. The questions can be fun and informative and enlightening, but again, it’s enormously time-consuming. I try to view this cyber-life as an investment in my future, but I have a real life that clamors for my attention – loudly – and I simply cannot devote as much time as I would like to either one. Something has to give.
What I’ve done here is compile a more detailed, specific summary of myself, something topic-oriented, and hopefully easy to navigate. It is my hope that this will give potential suitors more information to work with from the get-go. If you are still interested after reading, it will give us plenty of jumping-off points for further conversations, not to mention the fact that there is still your story to be told. Then, maybe, eventually, one day, there will be our story.
So, here we go, fellas…
Deal Breakers
- If you have anger-management issues, you can stop right here. I have been in more than one abusive relationship – emotional, verbal and physical. If you enjoy confrontation, or like to get into shouting matches or throw things, please look elsewhere. And, please get some help.
- If you are a hunter, please move along. I am an animal lover, through-and-through, and although I understand the concept of conservation, I personally do not think I could kill an animal if my life depended on it. Well, I probably could, but I hope to never find out. And I won’t be going hiking into grizzly country anytime soon.
- Couch potatoes and junk-food junkies need not apply. I would love to curl up with you on the couch and watch a movie or just hang out, or spend a rainy day in bed exploring each other. These are, in fact, some of my very favorite activities (that is, if I remember correctly…it’s been awhile!), but I battled my weight most of my life, and after a successful 100-pound weight loss, I will never again be a sedentary being. Activity (and a healthy diet) promotes a long life, and I plan to live a long time. I have a zero tolerance policy for people who don’t take an active role in their own well-being. Please note: this is not the same as being “out of shape.” If you want a workout partner, or need some motivation to get started or to continue on your personal wellness journey, I will help you. (I became a certified nutritional consultant as a result of my own accomplishment.) The rewards are many, it’s a worthy pursuit, don’t wait another day to get started!
- Deadbeats…you know who you are. I spent 14 years with a man (read: supported) who refused to get a job, even while I (and he) watched my house fall piece-by-piece down upon my head and while slipping $25,000+ into credit card debt. (Yeah, I know, I’m a sucker, what can I say, but it won’t happen again.) I have dug myself out of poverty (the stories I could tell, the things I did to survive, just ask!), and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t have any desire to be rich; even if I was, I would continue to practice my many habits of frugality that have become second nature, habits borne out of necessity and survival. I discovered that I am a very strong, resilient person, and I will certainly share the load, but I will not carry you, especially if you’re not even making an effort.
- Racists/Gay-bashers. My brother is my best friend and he is gay. ‘Nuf said. “Judge not, lest thou shall be judged.”
Hot Button Issues
- Politics: I am not very active politically, although I do appreciate and exercise my right to vote. For most of my life, I adopted the attitude of “an ostrich with her head in the sand” and for the most part, that suits me just fine. I can try to explain this in a number of ways, but that can be a conversation for another time, if it must. Suffice to say that I have certain causes that I feel strongly about, but I am a pacifist at heart. I understand that activism is necessary; I’m just not one of those people who will effect change in a very big way. I prefer to do it in small ways, through simple acts of kindness and by minding my own business. I am aware, but not actively engaged; I cannot carry on an intelligent/informed conversation about politics or most current events, and I don’t like feeling ignorant, so I would rather not engage. That doesn’t mean I won’t, but only in short, infrequent, guilt-induced micro-bursts if someone should insist on it. If it goes on for too long, I will go on automatic shutdown or simply walk away. Them’s the facts, Jack.
- Religion: Ditto, above, regarding my inability/non-desire to engage in long, embattled conversations on the subject. I consider myself a Christian, but I don’t go to church very often, and I don’t much care for organized religion. I consider myself to be a spiritual person. I believe in God, I try to remember to pray (preferably not only when I’m looking for help, but also when I am feeling grateful, which I make a concerted effort to do), but I cannot see myself with someone whose life revolves around their religion, their faith, or their spirituality. I was raised Catholic and I carry a lot of guilt to prove it. It’s also probably why I’m still a bit of a “bad girl,” as opposed to an angel.
- Sex:
You’re probably saying, “It’s about time!” The most amazing aspect to me
about sex right now is the fact that I’m even interested in it – quite
interested – for the first time in probably 10 years. I have been asleep,
walking through life as if in shock, for quite some time and I have just
recently experienced a re-awakening. The floodgates are open, so it’s
anybody’s guess what will happen to the first man that happens to be on
the receiving end. Full disclosure: Regardless of my now-near-virgin
state, I am not at all looking for casual sex. Love and/or a lasting
relationship must be the end goal and I will not settle for less. No
one-night stands, no players, please. I will play with you, but you better
be looking for a long-term-something. Oh, and by the way, can we please
hold off on the penis pics till we get to know each other better? Not that
I’ve ever tried it, but in my book even cyber-sex will require cyber-foreplay.
And the end-goal rule still applies.
My Basic Philosophies
- I want what I want when I want it and I want it now. (Patience may be a virtue, but I’m running pretty low on reserves.)
- What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (I’m living proof, many times over.)
- Everything happens for a reason.
- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. (Oscar Wilde)
- Live by The Golden Rule. (If you don’t know it, then we may have a problem.)
- The first person to benefit from the act of forgiveness is the one doing the forgiving.
- Garbage in, garbage out. (That can pertain to a lot more than food.)
- Eat the ice cream before it melts.
In closing, let me leave you with a metaphor. I have been running a marathon, sometimes stumbling, sometimes crawling. I am almost there. I cannot imagine how incredible it would be to have someone waiting for me as I sprint across the finish line so I can collapse into his arms. In fact --because I know without a doubt that I am capable of finishing on my own -- I would have no objection whatsoever to letting someone carry me across the finish line.
Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, let the fun begin. By the way, my name is Dawn. What’s yours?